How can I finally stop being needy? What should I know in order to avoid being needy. How neediness is affecting my happiness and other aspects of my life?
Well, I guess neediness is a problem that a lot of people face in their life, if not everyone. Now, how can you avoid being in this state and what should you know. I will be talking about being needy or clingy to people in this post. Although this concept also applies to other things like money, and a..(can’t think of any other example at the moment so) etc.
First of all, I would like to point out that there is nothing wrong with being in a relationship and having friends. They are a good thing to have. But, you must know that these things should not take a toll on you. You must know when things are getting toxic and also it is important to realize that all your relations be it with friends or loved ones must be balanced. You don’t want to be putting in too much effort when others don’t seem to do so.
How neediness repels people and affects other areas in your life?
In general, if you cling to something whatever it may be, you may find that it will tend to fly away from your life. I have seen that other people can sense when you are being needy. Your loved one might think of you as clingy and that can reduce your attraction to them. The thing is when you try to cling on to anything then that thing tends to run away from you, because no one one wants to be around anyone who tries to cling on to them. When you cling on to someone, he/she can sense it and it feels like sort of an attachment that reduces their own independence. Therefore that is a reason why no one wants to be around someone who comes off as needy. When you really want someone then you get what you feel inside. The universe will make things happen in a certain way that you will keep on wanting that person. Want means that you don’t have that thing. When you want something, then it means that you don’t currently have it. The vibration of wanting something is different from the vibration of having that thing. So, that is why when you really want something then you might find that it does not come to you. The thing is if you want something then you must take action to get it. But you should be unattached to the outcome of it. If it is meant for you then you will get it anyway. Learn to be fine without that thing.
How to tackle being needy?
Well, I think this is an aspect that needs to be addressed. Well it starts with realizing that first of all why are you being needy to that particular person. What does that person have that is causing you to want them? Most of the times, we feel as if we are going to loose something valuable if we can’t let go of people. I think this happens because of some belief that our life is going to be a lot better if we have that person. Or perhaps, we are afraid of some fear that we may not be able to live without them. There is a tendency in some people, that makes them somewhat uncomfortable that they will be miserable without that person. A lot of people can’t handle the tensions like these and still stick on to relationships, even when those relationships might be causing harm to them. I guess, this is one reason why a lot of people are stuck in abusive relationships, probably because they can’t handle the thought of being alone.
Now, I think it is important to realize that there is nothing that the other person can offer you what you can’t offer to yourself. You can offer yourself whatever you are looking for in the other person to offer you. Now, the thing is you can feel every emotion being all by yourself what you feel the other person might have to offer you. By thinking that you will be happy only if you have the company of someone else, you are only externalizing your own happiness. You are creating a condition on to yourself that you can be happy only if you have the support of someone else, whereas the thing is you can be happy all by yourself without needing the other person.
What are you seeking in the other person? Validation, support, love……you must identify it. Also, you must realize that all these things are something that you can offer your self. You wouldn’t be seeking validation from someone else when you have your own validation. You wouldn’t be bothered if someone else supports you or not when you feel you can support yourself.
My own experience
Well, I have felt needy in my life too at times. Being alone most of the time since an early age, I did feel needy quite a number of times. The pressure by the society to be in a relationship, have friends etc can take a good toll on you. I remember I was in 3rd standard when the teacher asked us to write an essay on your best friend in class. Luckily, I had a best friend who felt the same about me in class at that time. So, I didn’t start crying immediately lol…… But somewhere I think it made me feel as if it was very important to have a bestfriend. As I grew up, when I felt like I didn’t have a best friend it somewhat made me uncomfortable for some reason. Now, I realize that there wasn’t even any need to feel that way.
I don’t know why I never felt the need to be in love or have a love life, but I guess I never had it as a priority. Even now, I don’t feel the need for it somehow. But well that is a different story.
So, I realized that most of the pressure for such things was created by the society. Movies tend to show love as something that is very precious and important. It gives the idea that in order to be whole and complete we must have someone at our back. But, I think the most important idea that we must know is that we can be whole and complete if we choose to be.
Remember, don’t be so hard on yourself if you feel that you have been needy towards someone. Don’t get your feelings hurt unnecessarily when you don’t get what you want. Learn to be fine without that thing. You don’t need anyone to fulfil you because you can always fulfil yourself. It is good to be friends with people. You must know that your relationships must be balanced. Lastly, do what you feel is correct.