How to trust the process? What happened in my life?

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Well, as I write this blog I am a little confused as to how to go about my blogging journey. What do I really do to make my blog grow. The universe probably knows my state very well and I know that it has something planned ahead of me. However, there are times when I feel stuck. One is obviously concerned with the views that one will get. How will I go forward with my ideas? What is in store for me ahead. Now, I am still pretty early to just get success right away. I understand that very well. I tried a lot of things to get instant traffic on my blog, but somehow those ways have not been working. They might work in future. Right now, I am hoping that things will work out fine the way they always do.

Almost 2 years back in June 2018, I made the decision of giving the CAT exam. I think, I overestimated my potential and I felt as if I could get a 99%ile with no coaching class. Being the overconfident prick that I was, I did not take any coaching classes. In my class in B. Tech, I was considered to be good in aptitude. I was able to manage an A grade which very few people got in my engineering college. So, I guess that did have a role for me to be overconfident.

Nevertheless, I studied quite hard for my CAT exam. I was in Modinagar, a town 40 km from Delhi because that is where my college was. I did not have access to coaching classes(offline). And there was this book called Arun Sharma which I felt would take me to the promised land (IIM). I had all the faith in myself and I was determined to prove to my parents, to my classmates, to everyone who doubted my potential that I could get through for IIM with 5 months of preparation and all by myself. In July, we went to Chennai for placements. I had decided to do CAT, but I went to Chennai as well just to get placed for no reason at all. I will elaborate on that story in detail too in the next blog post.

Alright, the point is I was all alone while preparing for CAT exam. I was in a room in my hostel with no room mates to bother me which was just heaven for me. I had my friends in their separate rooms too. So, I was preparing really hard for CAT. But it was a little stupid of me to not consider giving mocks before I went to give the CAT exam. I was working hard in my opinion but I had little access to mocks. And I had a book called last year topic wise papers that I did not bother to read 3 days before the CAT exam. It was then, that I realised that I wasn’t able to solve the questions in the CAT previous papers. I was literally panicking at that time. I gave CAT and scored about 88%ile. At my best I could’ve scored 91%ile. But that is a different point.

Now, the thing is that I did not know what to do when the result came. I had given the SNAP exam too, and I was hoping to make a break through in it. I ended up getting 94%ile which again did not serve the purpose. I mean you have to get 98%ile and above if you are looking forward to joining the best colleges in the Symbiosis University. So, in my eyes I had failed. I had colleges like TAPMI and FORE to look forward too, but it did feel like an underachievement for me.

Anyway, fast forward I started on with a digital marketing course and there I learnt about blogging. I realised that bloggers earn a lot of money and the idea of earning money from display of thoughts seemed very enticing to me. And I decided to work on my website. I later decided to join an MBA college, but I realised that blogging might be what I have always wanted to do in life. Maybe, I am being naive with this but it did feel that way.

As far as management was concerned, I felt like that was a better thing than plain engineering based job. However, there wasn’t any love for management. Perhaps, I wanted to crack IIMs just to satisfy my own ego. Now, that I look back I realize that maybe I had just fooled myself into doing management. But, still I was going to sit at home all year just trying my hand at blogging with parents worrying about me wasting time on a pointless pursuit.

So, the thing I learnt from my experiences is that things are going to be fine. You will be where you have always wanted to be. Things may not work out the way you want them too but they will happen in the way most suitable to you. Trusting the process is about letting go of the outcome knowing that things will happen in the way most suitable to you.

The universe probably had a different path chalked out for me. Passing out of an IIM would never had made any difference to my life, had I ended up becoming a full time blogger. The moral is no matter what your condition is you must know that things will be fine in the end. Have a nice day.


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